I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
