DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize