You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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