she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize