There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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