just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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