There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
