I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
