Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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