So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
