anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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