I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
