pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
