I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize