If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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