Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
