Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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