I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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