we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
