We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
someone owes me an orgasm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
