Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
