Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
