i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
