and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize