Sry I called you an 8
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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