And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
