i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
