I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
