Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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