U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
