we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
