Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
