It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
