Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize