the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
