I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
