Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
