WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
