this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
