im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
third nipple confirmed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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