I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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