They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
