3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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