There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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