I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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