what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
someone get that fucking seahorse.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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