You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
