the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
