and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
