This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
