Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
