my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
