life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
