u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
