We're facebook friends in real life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she told me i tasted like america
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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