They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
