It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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