That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
