My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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