sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize