Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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