so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
