she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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