Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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