I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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