my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We are two peas in an std pod
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
