I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
