i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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