You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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