drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
operation have a gay friend backfired
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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