I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is Oprah even human
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
