So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
