The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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