And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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