You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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