party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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