I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
