Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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