he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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