oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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