And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
