Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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