If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
