she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
