I will die if light touches me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
