Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he thought i was a dude.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
